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The debate-battle concerning the winner of a hypothetical fight between pirates and ninjas has been waged for at least as long as the existence of "Dungeons and Dragons." It is clear, however, when stepping back and looking at the facts and logistics of the adversaries, that ninjas would be the ultimate victors.
As a side note, pirates are terrorists.
Because no known battle has occurred between the two parties, there is no historical evidence as to which side is more powerful. But ninjas come out on top when considering the characteristics of each as portrayed by popular media and their roles in reality as told by medieval and contemporary history. Ninjas' cunning senses, impeccable martial arts skills, determined loyalty and superior training would render pirates harmless.
According to medieval historian Stephen Turnbull, author of several books detailing the military history of Japan and the war culture of its feudal period, ninjas were first recorded in literature in the 15th century. They served as assassins and saboteurs for powerful clan leaders in heated battles for property that sometimes lasted years at a time. Their training, identity and even their existence had to be kept secret because they violated the high-honored bushido code, a set of rules defining the code of conduct for samurai, much like European rules of chivalry. Their eminent training and experience in combat against highly trained samurai trumps any type of training pirates ever underwent.
The weapons and martial arts skills ninjas possess would surpass any feeble defense pirates would attempt to mount. A popular defense in this debate is to say that pirates have guns and cannons to which ninjas would be powerless in a fight.
It is true that if the enemies lined up in Revolutionary War-period rank and file lines, a ninja may have problems dodging a barrage of bullets or cannon flak. But ninjas are too cunning and experienced to attempt to fight their battle in such a manner. Ninjas' use of improvised weapons and hidden knives enable them to either blend in with a crowd or hide stealthily in the shadows. Pirates would be sitting, drunken ducks.
The answer pro-pirate activists offer to another conundrum facing the martial artists is that ninjas could never make it out to the pirates' ships to even employ their talents of assassination and stealth. But anyone who has seen the major motion picture "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" knows that someone well-trained in martial arts can skip on water. Hiding in barrels and crates to gain entry to the ships would be right up a ninja's alley anyway.
Most of the defense for each side of the debate usually comes from fiction, modern Hollywood perception and video games. One of the reasons the debate is so epic and long-lasting is that battlers-in-speech work themselves in circles using contradictory film and literature references.
So, one may wonder who pirates are today. Aside from the over-popularized, over-glamorized Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom characterization of the criminals, most Americans don't know the real danger of pirates today.
According to the Council on Foreign Relations, a group that claims to be "a nonpartisan resource for information and analysis," the high seas continue to be anarchic and little-policed. Modern-day pirates cause losses of an estimated $13 to $16 billion dollars in goods per year. These pirates usually hide along the shipping routes for most major oil transports across the Atlantic Ocean.
The group also reports strong ties between the modern sea terrorists and the ground-based terror tactics of Islamofascist organizations. So by logical extension, supporters of pirates in this debate in turn support the efforts of Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden and probably hate America.
Aside from this incriminating fact, American and European pirates continue to use the "Jolly Roger" skull-and-crossbones flag as their standard, and that's just silly.
One popular solution to the debate worth noting is the online meme that touts the "100 to 1 pirate-ninja ratio paradox." The theory suggests a problem in the way Hollywood portrays the numbers of pirates and ninjas. It seems that if a film presents a lone ninja as its protagonist, no enemy or group of enemies can defeat him. If presented as a group of 100, however, they are usually a group of easily defeated lackeys. For examples, see any movie involving the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
In the same strain, if a lone pirate faces a large group of enemies or a stronger opponent, he finds himself defeated or runs to gain the support of his cohorts. But a group of 100 pirates cannot be defeated by any foe in modern film.
A paradox, then, would arise if one ninja faces a force of 100 pirates in the realm of Hollywood. No winner could be declared in such a circumstance, and the bout would result in a tie. But the fact that it would take 99 more pirates than ninjas to even result in a tie for the battle serves only as stronger evidence that ninjas will always win.
----- Contact Will Harris at wharris@lsureveille.com
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